Before the kids took a bath, I plugged in my MacBook intentionally knowing I would need some therapy tonight. My therapy is my blog. My social media space. Working on me. Self care in a sense.
I got a lot done today and I intended on starting Tuesday night journal sessions months ago, but the kids came first these last weeks. I intentionally picked Tuesday nights to journal because I generally can get the house wrapped up by ten o’clock and have time to myself. So before my motherly duties were done for the evening I plugged in my eight percent battery MacBook to charge, hoping for some me time to journal. I would love it if you would join me along my journey as my goal is to journal every Tuesday about my day, my thoughts and just a wrap up to hold myself accountable to be in my own space. My own head. I very much enjoy writing and not only is this my self care, my therapy and my safe space on my blog, but I may get lucky and relate to some of you.
Today was a good day. Kids were well behaved, we had a good morning, I got much needed sleep last night and all in all was quite productive today. We played, I worked, I cleaned, I did a few loads of laundry. I am content. Molly and Max had spa day at the groomers and it was much needed and they look so fantastic. They are currently snoring next to me on the couch as they usually do from a few hours of pampering and time out of the house. I am so happy for them and happy I get to give them a loving life and a loving home. It’s not always easy having dogs to take care of as well as the kids, but they really are apart of me, and both pups bring me such love and happiness. I am certainly their go to of the house and I do love how much love I give to them. They deserve it, they are good pups.
Kids went to bed early after their bubble bath, Nash was up earlier than usual so he was happy to head to bed. He has been getting up at various times throughout the night and I have found that he just gets up wanting a hug. Sometimes I find him on the couch in the morning, I don’t know I am chalking it up to being a phase, but sometimes doesn’t allow me to get work done at night or get much needed sleep.
Speaking of sleep, two things I have realized that I haven’t before this week, as a working mom, whether I work in the home or outside the home, I consistently feel like I have to earn the right to work and sleep. Maybe it is an adult thing, but I feeling more lately like it is a mom thing. No dismissal against men and dads, but I noticed a major gender role point that I hadn’t keyed into before. Men earn the right to work and sleep by providing, but working out of the home is a natural constant. It could just be specific to our family dynamic, which has warranted many privileges, but we are constantly rewarding and earning ourselves. I did a good job today and got a lot of work done so my reward is getting a bit of time to myself or being able to go to sleep early that night. Maybe even a bath? But my husband going to work isn’t earned it is also a constant. He earns in other ways of fulfillment than I do. I can’t quite pinpoint it, but I feel like a gender bias exists there. Rewarding=Earning and who is worthy.
Another thing I realized is that I am constantly cashing in on self care. I am a huge advocate for self care and have no problem finding small ways to see self care as a benefit, even just stopping and changing my clothes is self care all the way to making the appointment and getting a manicure and pedicure or a massage. Staying in the shower for five minutes longer. My husband on the other hand doesn’t cash in on that self care as easily as I pencil it into the schedule. He graciously expects permission, he expects initiative by me to give him the time. He was in desperate need of new jeans for work and every day he doesn’t stop to get home to help relieve me with kids was a favor! So when he got home and settled I said he should do so. He was happy to be offered the time. Just because he has a day job and leaves the house every day doesn’t mean he isn’t worthy of self care or just simply minutes in the day where he isn’t expected or obligated. I wish I had seen earlier in our marriage that his self care comes at permission whereas my self care comes at a cost in a reward and earning system.
All in all a good day. Kids are clean, sleeping (with the help of hourly mom snuggles) the dogs are clean and snoring, Matt is getting well deserved rest with a new wardrobe and I got some much needed work catch up done. I am content. I like being content. When you have four kids, yourself, a husband and two dogs to consistently worry about, being content is pure happiness.
XOXO,